Wednesday, November 5, 2008

I have a heavy heart...


I am going to get a bit personal. I can't help it, I need to get it out. My uncle, he is an alcoholic. Like my mother, he can't seem to control the urge to drink. Well, he is in jail. He got a DUI and my heart is broken. I know, he does deserve to be put in jail. I get so mad when I think about those that could have been hurt b/c of his selfishness. At the same time, I am heart broken b/c this man, I love so much. I am so scared that he will end up like my mom. She lost everything. Will he have to hit rock bottom before he wakes up? He has two kids and one more on the way. I really do not want his kids to suffer the way my sister and I did. It hurts. He gets out this month and I pray that he has learned his lesson. I know that there is probably not one person out there that has not been affected by alcoholism. I just wish these alcoholics realized how much it hurts to watch them destroy their life and their kids. I received a letter from him today. He promised that he was going to change. I pray he does, for his kids sake. I wrote him back and told him that I have been in his kids shoes. It is not fun to watch your life destroyed over a drink. I don't want to lose one more person that I love. Many of you know that my family has been through a lot in the last couple of years. In 2005, right before we conceived Aiden, my mom passed away. I was devastated, as one can imagine. I never got to tell my mom that we were going to have a baby, that she was going to be a grandmother. SO, fast forward to later that year, in December, my cousin died. My aunt's only child, passed away and no longer has to suffer from CP. I was 6 mo. pregnant w/Aiden. In June 2007, My beloved granny passed away. This woman was such a blessing to me. She raised me and my sister and I have to say, she did a pretty good job. If I didn't have Aiden, I really don't know how I would have made it through that time in my life. I remember being in a fetal position in my kitchen floor crying like a baby. My husband trying so hard to help. All I knew was that she was gone and I would never hear her tell me that she loved me again, or that she thought Aiden was the most beautiful child in the world lol. She was so proud of him. I can not think about his birth w/out seeing her smiling face looking down on me and Aiden. The joyous tears in her eyes, make me cry every time I think about it. Then, this past Sept., my daddy died. It was very sudden. I was once again, devastated. All I can think about is how I have no parents left now. Aiden doesn't have grandparents on my side of the family. So you see, I don't know if I can take losing one more person that I love. My uncle and I have always been more like brother and sister. We lived together, fought over the phone when we were teens,argued over tapes(we didn't have cd's then lol),laughed and cried together. I remember him putting on my aunt Pam's(his ex wife) bathing suit one time. Walking out and acting like he was on the cat walk. It makes me laugh so hard. My granny always blamed herself for my moms problems. We know in our hearts that she had nothing to do w/my mom or my uncle picking up a bottle! Liquor wasn't allowed in our house. Granny and Granddaddy were good people, good parents, and Christians. My uncle and mom seemed to hang around the wrong crowd at times. I worry that if he doesn't make a change that his daughter will not want anything to do with him when she's older. I worry that his kids will suffer greatly b/c of this need he has. WHY can't alcoholics see what pain they cause?

The night my grandfather passed away-November 9, 1996, my uncle and granddaddy got into it. I wonder at times if this is the reason for my uncles problem. I wonder if he blames himself? And the only way he can dissolve this pain is to drink it away. My mom drank away a lot of her pain, as a lot of alcoholics seem to do. ugh my heart can't take much more....


Please pray for my family. Please pray for my uncle. I don't want him to be like my mom. I don't want his kids to suffer. Please pray that he will change this time. xoxox
*the picture is of Aiden and my uncles kids-Hailey and Connor.

4 comments:

Michelle P. said...

Oh Heather- you and your family will all be in my prayers :(

T- said...

(((hugs)))

My DH's father was killed by a drunk driver when my DH was three years old, so I do understand the seriousness of a DUI. Because of that, your Uncle is in my prayers. I hope he had a real wakeup call with this and he is able to get the help he needs. He deserves better for himself, and his family deserves better, too. So do you.

You all are in my thoughts and prayers.

Heather said...

Thank you both so much. I just don't want him to hurt himself or someone else, I want him to straighten up. His kids deserve their father. Again, Thank you so much for the thoughts and prayers.

xoxoxox

Stephanie said...

(((hugs))) Prayers sent your way. I am so sorry. It's tough.